Grief changes you. It slows you down. It takes the air out of the room. And when you lose someone who has been by your side for years of your life, that shift is felt in the deepest parts of your spirit.
Recently, I lost my sixteen year old Lab. She was with me through everything. I brought her home when I was 25. She was the first dog that was fully my responsibility. Just me and her learning how to be a family together.
She moved with me from my parents home to my very first apartment. She followed me from New Jersey to Maryland. She curled up beside me through every victory and every low point. She was also with me when I started my small business, TOA Waters.
I always said she was my first employee. She supervised a lot of the work even though she absolutely slept on the job.
Losing her was painful in a way I was not ready for. However, I am so grateful for the sixteen beautiful years we shared. But gratitude does not erase the ache. It simply helps you breathe through it.
In the days after she passed, I learned something important. Self-care is not optional when you are grieving. It is the thing that keeps you standing.
Below are the practices that helped me honor her memory while caring for myself. I share them in case they help you or someone you love who is grieving.
Let the Memories Come In and Write Them Down
When my dog passed, my mind kept playing a loop of moments. Happy ones. Funny ones. Moments I wanted to freeze in time.
I did not want to forget them. So I wrote them down.
Journaling became one of the most healing parts of my process. It let me hold on to the pieces of her that shaped me. It gave me a space to tell the story of our time together without worrying about structure or perfection.
Writing is one of the oldest tools in emotional recovery. Research shows that expressive writing can reduce stress, support emotional processing, and help with the long term healing process.
Look Through Photos When You Are Ready
Sometimes the memories make you cry. Sometimes they make you laugh. Both are healing.
Looking at photos brought me comfort. They reminded me that my grief exists because she mattered so deeply. They kept me connected to the joy she brought into my life every single day.
Give yourself permission to revisit photos slowly. There is no timeline.
Reach Out to People Who Feel Safe
Grief does not always need a crowd. It needs presence. It needs gentleness.
I slowly began reaching out to select friends and family when I was ready. Not everyone needs to understand your relationship with the one you lost. They only need to be willing to listen.
Choose the people who let you show up exactly as you are.
Move Your Body in Places That Bring You Peace
Walking helped me breathe again.
I visited some of my dog's favorite walking spots. I went on a hike. I sat by a riverbank and listened to the water. Those moments helped settle my mind in a way nothing else could.
Nature has a way of reminding us that even in loss, life is still moving gently around us.
Use Aromatherapy to Ground Yourself
A calming scent can do wonders.
For me, aromatherapy became one of the small anchors in my day. I bought a new candle at an arts and craft show and let it fill my home with warmth. I picked up a new car air freshener from the same vendor. Both scents offered a quiet sense of peace when everything felt heavy.
Scent holds memory. It also helps regulate the nervous system. Choose scents that make you feel held.
Eat Something Nourishing
Grief affects appetite. It is easy to forget about food when your mind and heart are overwhelmed.
I made sure to eat. It was not fancy. It was not perfect. It was fuel. And during loss, fuel is essential.
Other Self Care Practices to Support You Through Loss
Every experience with grief is unique, but these practices can help ease the weight.
Take quiet breaks throughout the day
Allow yourself to pause. Sit in silence. Breathe deeply.
Practice gentle mindfulness
Meditation, prayer, or even sitting still with your thoughts creates room for healing.
Create a small ritual in their honor
Light a candle. Frame a photo. Tell a story about them. Rituals help us feel connected.
Allow yourself to cry
Crying is not weakness. It is release.
Limit overwhelming responsibilities when possible
You do not need to be everything for everyone while grieving.
Seek support if you need more help
Therapists and support groups can provide tools and comfort during difficult times.
Grief Is Love That Still Wants Somewhere to Go
Losing her reminded me that grief exists because love was real. Worth every moment.
She shaped sixteen years of my life. She taught me responsibility, patience, and unconditional love. She helped me build TOA Waters from the ground up in her own sleepy, supervisory way.
If you are going through a loss of your own, I hope you find moments of comfort. I hope you give yourself permission to rest. And I hope you remember that your grief is a reflection of the love you shared.
You deserve gentleness through this.
